Tag: Silly

Categories
Behind The Song

New Demo: Finger Puppet Man

He’s already wearing four
No big deal…
Download     mp3 demo     Chords (pdf)

Finger Puppet Man is obviously nothing more than a joke set to music. I wrote it during FAWM 2013 but the melody was naggingly familiar. I asked the FAWM community to help me identify it, and even though the only original lyrics I could remember were “dooby dooby dum dum”, eventually a fellow songwriter’s Dad recognised it as the theme song from the 1958 film Tom Thumb written by Peggy Lee and sung by Russ Tamblyn. So once I was definively rumbled I had to change it. It took 3 years but here it is.

The weird ‘backwards’ sound just before the vocals enter is my sweaty arm unpeeling itself from the front of the guitar twice (the guitar is double tracked). Gross. I know.

This song contains fingerpicking – which I hardly ever do (I hate the way many acoustic guitarists mindlessly fill up all available space with it) and the minor iv chord (Fm in the key of C) – which I mindlessly use ALL the time.

Musically the sweet melody with mumbly, whispery delivery reminds me of Nottingham band We Show Up On Radar (check em out)

Finger puppet man
Trying to choose the best 
puppet that he can
In the finger puppet store
But he’s not sure
So insecure

Finger puppet wife
Husband asks her if she thinks that it’s alright
He’s already wearing four
On his brightly coloured paw
But he puts on one more
And says,

“Does my thumb look big in this?
Does my thumb look big in this?
Does my thumb look big in this?”
And she says “No.
You look fine.
Can we go?”

Categories
Behind The Song Song Vault

A Little Spillage

 

The Horse is fine, of course, although the van is far less certain!
Just your average Cockney-Kiwi, Bernard Cribbins-type jam.
A collaboration with Stephen Wordsmith.
Download     Chords (pdf)

One of the pleasure of FAWM is meeting incredibly creative people from all over the world. New Zealander Stephen Wordsmith writes incredible lyrics often comprising of fiendishly difficult puzzles or dazzling wordplay. During FAWM 2015 we collaborated on A Little Spillage which to my mind sounded like an old fashioned children’s song. I set the lyrics to a musical part I could barely play and moved on to other things. When Stephen approached me this year about including it on his new album ‘Tintinnitus’ I actually learned how to play it and did a proper recording.

Come quickly, mayor Prickley
For there’s been a little spillage
There’s been a little spillage?
There’s been a little spillage!
Yes, there’s been a little spillage
In the centre of the village

A Canterbury Lorry
Met a paint truck from Otago
A paint truck from Otago?
A paint truck from Otago!
And the paint truck from Otago’s
Gone and spilled its precious cargo

There’s ochre and orange and buckets of blue
And rivers of red in most every hue
Midst puddles of puce and great gushes of green
With flicks of sienna to finish the scene
Come quickly, and look at the rainbow that flowed
With colour and life along every road

Come quickly, mayor Prickley
For there’s been a little spillage
There’s been a little spillage?
There’s been a little spillage!
Yes, there’s been a little spillage
In the centre of the village

A car from Alexandra
Met an ice-cream van from Lincoln
An ice-cream van from Lincoln?
An ice-cream van from Lincoln!
So you’d better get there quick
Because that ship’s already sinkin’!

There’s caramel, coffee and chocolate and cherry
And cookies and cream among boysen and berry
With pieces from Reece and vanilla from France
All mingling as one in their trickling dance
Come quickly, and look at the rainbow that flowed
With flavour and fun along every road

Come quickly, mayor Prickley
For there’s been a little spillage
There’s been a little spillage?
There’s been a little spillage!
Yes, there’s been a little spillage
In the centre of the village

A Clydesdale from Ashburton
Met A Clyde van selling curtains
A Clyde van selling curtains?
A Clyde van selling curtains!
The Horse is fine of course
Although the van is far less certain!

There’s spartans and tartans and circles and – cripes!
There’s spots and there’s dots and diagonal stripes
With florals that flourish and ziggies that zag
All rotten with cotton (or so says the tag)
Come quickly, and watch all the patterns explode
Unfolding like sails along every road

Come quickly, mayor Prickley
For there’s been a little spillage
Yes, there’s been a little spillage
In the centre of the village!

Lyrics by Stephen Wordsmith
Music by Matt Blick

Categories
Behind The Song Song Vault

Polishing A Turd (NSFW)

If they hang it in a gallery, it still don’t make it art
Three chords and the truth
Download     mp3 demo     Lyrics (pdf)

During FAWM 2015 I was writing a song based on additive structures and in the middle of trying to piece together a demanding and over elaborate demo came to the conclusion I was trying to ‘polish a turd’. Despite all efforts to resist I flipped over the lyric sheet and started writing a new song on the back. The three chord pattern came immediately and ‘Polishing A Turd’ was demoed and done in 2 hours. The “roll it in glitter line” came from Mark Nelson (you can hear him say it to me in the behind the scenes video for Let’s Build An Airport).

The Pop Mythology site was kind enough to say “[If it] doesn’t give you a genuine LOL moment, you might not have a soul”.

Polishing a turd, polishing a turd
You can get a Grammy for polishing a turd
You might impress a hundred million pre-pubescent girls
“OMG he’s polishing a turd!!!!” >:O

Autotune a fart, autotune a fart
It’s OK to be pitchy if it comes right from the heart
If they hang it in a gallery, it still don’t make it art
Fire up the Melodyne™ let’s autotune a fart

Photoshop your mom, photoshop your mom
Make her taller, thinner, browner, bluer-eyed and blonde
Take away her cellulite and put her in a thong
Vogue will hold the cover if you photoshop your mom

Polishing a turd, polishing a turd
That’s what you get for polishing a turd
Roll it in some glitter but it just gets more absurd
That’s what you get for polishing a turd

(Make the world a better place by polishing a turd)

Categories
Song Vault

Shrove Tuesday

Let’s shrove till we’re all shroved out!
The true meaning of pancake day. Maybe not.
Download mp3 demo     Lyrics (pdf)

Today is pancake day
Perhaps more accurately named
‘Shrove Tuesday’
Cross the lonely miles I drove
To bring my love a shrove.
Just for you babe
On Shrove Tuesday

It’s the very thing you need
It has several diverse speeds
And a foam-grip handle
With just a hint of cinnamon
And a pouch to keep attachments in
And a matching set of candles

It will last you all your life
If you only treat it right
‘Twill be faithful as a spaniel
Always keep the hinges loose
Never let the skin get bruised
And if in doubt consult the manual

What a fine Tuesday for shroving!
Let’s shrove till we’re all shroved out!
There’s no harm disclosing
That we are pro-shroving
‘Tis naught to be ‘shamed about!
A shrove in the hand
Of each woman and man
What a beautiful sight to see!
Keep your stoves and your pancakes
I’ll shrove till my hand shakes
Shrove Tuesday along with me!

Inflate the tyres every day
And replace the cooling tray
And you”ll never need another
But please don’t get too attached
Cos we have to give it back
It belongs to my Grandmother
(uncomfortable flashback) Granny! Granny!
Grandmother you cantankerous old battleaxe!

What a fine Tuesday for shroving!…

Categories
FAWM Song Vault

Cheese On Toast


You murdered love with cheese on toast
A soft rock murder ballad. Handle love Caerphilly.
Download mp3    Chords   Lyrics

It ain’t a pizza without bread of some description
It ain’t a pizza if it doesn’t have cheese
And it ain’t a pizza, of course without tomato paste, puree or sauce
And two out of three may be good enough for Meatloaf
But it’s not good enough for me. Can’t you see?

Cheese on toast
What we’re looking at is cheese on toast
And there’s no way to disguise it
With candles on the table and soft rock on the radio
Cheese on toast
Welsh rabbit if you want to boast
Whichever way you slice it
Love’s gone to waste for want of tomato paste
This is such a cheesy evening, our romance is toast

It’s still a pizza if it doesn’t have anchovies
Still makes the grade without some pineapple chunks
But it’s not Italian cuisine without a thin red line between bread and cheese
And I don’t want to fight but slapping own-brand cheddar
On top of some Mother’s Pride just ain’t right

Cheese on toast
What you’re giving me is cheese on toast
And there’s no way you can hide it
With candles on the table and soft rock on the radio
Cheese on toast
Now love has given up the ghost
And there’s no way we can fight it
Love’s gone to waste for want of tomato paste
And I think I should be leaving…

There’s no way to express the pain I feel
Without some blazing guitar
And a gratuitous change of key

GUITAR SOLO

Cheese on toast
You murdered love with cheese on toast
No matter how much you deny it
The proof is on the table, stack the pots while I get my coat
Cheese on toast
Exhibit A is cheese on toast
And any court would try it
There’s no trace of paste. I rest my case
Find another lover to deceive with your cheese
Your cheese on toast

Categories
Song Vault

Don’t Bring Your Bongos To Church

Don’t Bring Your Bongos To Church [2011] Humorous Rock n Roll Retro
Bongo, bongo, bongo, bongo…
Rockabilly Pentecostalism gone wild.
download     mp3     Lyrics (pdf)     Chords (pdf)

Jesus loves you man
Jesus loves you man
Loves you just the way you am
But don’t bring your bongos to church
Don’t bring your bongos to church

Jesus loves to hear you sing
You can bring your offering
Just don’t hit those things
Don’t bring your bongos to church
Don’t bring your bongos to church

Bongo, bongo, bongo, bongo…

Take a snake out of your bag
Drinkin’ strychnin’ ain’t so bad
You can even bring a flag
But don’t bring your bongos to church
Don’t bring your bongos to church

The good Lord understands
When I tell you that I can
Prise ’em from your cold dead hands
So don’t bring your bongos to church
Don’t bring your bongos to church
Don’t bring your bongos to church
Don’t bring your bongos to church

Don’t, don’t, don’t bring your bongos
Don’t, don’t, don’t bring your bongos
Don’t, don’t, don’t bring your bongos
Don’t, don’t, don’t bring your bongos
Bongo, bongo, bongo, bongo…

You may also like: Maybe Your God’s On The Toilet
If You’re Here This Morning (The Notices Song)

Other free songs by Matt Blick


Categories
FAWM Song Vault

Eleven Sweets

Eleven Sweets [2011] Children’s Humorous
But the fizzy cherry, was stuck to a fizzy cherry
A true tall tale from sunday school, sung by my daughter
Downloads     mp3     Chords (pdf)     Lyrics (pdf)

In the pink group in Arrows, in Church, in the Earth
Ifyou’re listening when they tell you all about God
And you wiggle or wriggle or talk to someone
You’re probably going to get your balloon popped
Then you might only get three sweets
Or you might only get no sweets

But I didn’t wriggle or wiggle or talk
So I got a white bag like they have in the shops
And a pink or green token to put in the silver pig
Cos the pig is the place where you go and put your tokens in
And then you can have ten sweets,
And then you can have ten sweets.

I got some cola bottles and put them in my white bag
And one lollipop, cos one is all that you can have
And more cola bottles, some fizzy cherries made nine
And I put my hand into the plastic box for one more time
Soon I would have ten sweets,
Soon I would have ten sweets.

But the fizzy cherry, was stuck to the fizzy cherry
Which was stuck to the fizzy cherry that I picked up
So I asked the leader, “what shall I do?”
She said, “you’ll just have to have eleven sweets today”

And that’s how I had eleven sweets
Eleven sweets instead of ten
And that’s how I had eleven sweets
Eleven sweets instead of ten

You may also like The Greatest Commandment
Other free songs by Matt Blick

Categories
Song Vault

Maybe Your God’s On The Toilet

Maybe Your God’s On The Toilet [2011] Humour 
Some might say that sarcasm ain’t the language of Zion
Interfaith conference on Mount Carmel
Downloads     mp3     Chords (pdf)     Lyrics (pdf)

We use different paths to climb the same mountain
So let’s build a safe place to explore the terrain
We’re all part of ancient faith communities
There may be common ground that we can embrace
No one person has all the answers
So let’s try to find the things that unite
I hope that you’ll be part of the conversation
I’ll share my feelings first if you like

Maybe your god’s on the toilet
Maybe he can’t get to the phone
maybe the man with the plan, the whole world in his hands
Sits on a porcelain throne
Maybe he’s making a pit stop
Loosing a couple of pounds
Either way he’s not home so leave your prayer at the tone
Perhaps he’ll answer you when he comes out

I hope I haven’t somehow offended you
I hope I haven’t said something wrong
Because you practice human sacrifice
And you outnumber me four hundred to one
You fundamentalists don’t think humour
Has a place within religious debate
But I’m just trying to facilitate a paradigm shift
So lighten up you prophets of Baal

Maybe your god’s on the toilet
Doing a poop or a pee
Is he still in control when he’s sat on the bowl
And he’s bombing the porcelain sea?
Maybe he’s mixing some concrete
Maybe he’s moving some earth
He’s dropping some logs, seeing a man ’bout a dog
So perhaps we should just call off the search

Some might say that sarcasm ain’t the language of Zion
And I should wash my potty mouth out when I’m through
But ask brother James, maybe he can explain
I’m a man, just a man, just like you

Maybe your god’s on the toilet
Trying to do number two
Grow a tail, hang a rat, park a coil, send a fax
Drop the kids off at the pool
Maybe he’s blasting a dookie
Punching a growler somewhere
He’s taking a slam, he’s pinching a yam
But it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care

Maybe he’s laying some wolf bait
Maybe he’s laying a brick
He’s going boom boom in the little boys room
He’ll come out when he’s launched the big ship
Maybe your god’s on the toilet
But I’m starting to entertain doubts
So I guess I’ll just go ‘cos your god’s a no-show
And if he’s in there then he’s not coming out.

You might also enjoy The Eglon Song
Other free songs by Matt Blick

Categories
Song Vault

The Facial Hair/Creativity Ratio Theorem (aka The Beard Song)

My latest song is a very silly and tongue in cheek (tongue in beard? No that sounds gross) exploration of the link between creativity and varying amounts of facial hair.

I’m still learning on the iMovie and still without proper recording gear but if you want some free downloads – you got ’em!

Chord sheet The Facial Hair/Creativity Ratio Theorem CHORD sheet 
mp3 The Facial Hair/Creativity Ratio Theorem MP3

Are you mad as hell and not going to take this anymore? Write a response song!

Download all my FAWM 2011 songs for free!!!
Other free songs by Matt Blick



[If you’re subscribed to this blog via email, you will have to click on the post’s title to watch any video content (the link will take you my site).

 

Categories
Song Vault

Fat Flish

Here’s my first real post FAWM song and my first attempt at iMovieing.
I often misread books at storytime for comic effect. “Reading it funny” is a big hit my two youngest kids Harpo & Zeppo. Fat Flish was an improvised song based on some book or other composed while sitting on the sofa with my two youngest fans . I later wrote up a couple more verses and here it is.

As I’m ‘between recording gear’ again there’s no demo yet but you can have the chord sheet if you want.

Fat Flish CHORD sheet pdf

Related Posts: The Soundcheck Song – for free
Download all my 2011 songs for free!!!
Other free songs by Matt Blick

[If you’re subscribed to this blog via email, you will have to click on the post’s title to watch any video content (the link will take you my site).