Categories
Behind The Song

New Song: That Takes The Biscuit

We never stop to ask why we fight over crumbs
Musical meme-based morality is the new rock and roll
Download     mp3 demo     Chords (pdf)

This is definitely the first internet meme that I’ve set to music, but hey! You can find inspiration anywhere, right? It was originally going to form the bridge section of Refugee With An iPhone, but as that song became more serious and personal it seemed to tonally out of place. So, soon after finishing that song, I wrote this tune based on the rising chord progression you find in Here, There And Everywhere, I’m Only Sleeping and Dylan’s Like A Rolling Stone. At the end I kept stumbling over the words and adding random soundalikes in there and decided to MAKE IT A ‘THING’.

A banker and a worker and a refugee
All siting down for a cup of tea
A plate of jammy dodgers and custard creams
Occupies the table in between

The banker he starts grabbing bickies with both hands
Filling up his pockets as fast as he can
And when there’s just one biscuit left on the plate
Whispers to the worker “I should warn you mate,

Watch out the refugee is gonna steal your biscuit!
Watch out the refugee is gonna take what’s yours
Watch out the refugee is gonna steal your biscuit!
Somebody should pass a law

They say the economy is buckling under the strain
Too much pressure on the houses, the schools and the drains
The media fuels our anger and it keeps us dumb
So we never stop to ask why we fight over crumbs.
Do immigrants have such expensive diseases
That they brought the NHS to it’s knees? It’s
The politician’s plan but we don’t realise it
You can’t take your country back once they privatise it

Watch out the refugees are gonna steal your biscuits!
Watch out the refugees are gonna take what’s yours
Watch out the refugees are gonna steal your biscuits!
You know that’s what they came here for

Watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out etc

Watch out the refugee is gonna steal your biscuit!
Watch out the refugee is gonna steal your biscuit!
Watch out the refugee is gonna grease your trumpet!
Watch out the BBC is gonna screen your chick flick!
Watch out the novice priest is gonna heal your slipped disc!
Watch out cos Ce Lo Green is gonna need your drumkit!
Watch out the quick brew teabag will congeal your breakfast!
Watch out the SNP is gonna veto brexit!

Categories
Song Vault

Maybe Your God’s On The Toilet

Maybe Your God’s On The Toilet [2011] Humour 
Some might say that sarcasm ain’t the language of Zion
Interfaith conference on Mount Carmel
Downloads     mp3     Chords (pdf)     Lyrics (pdf)

We use different paths to climb the same mountain
So let’s build a safe place to explore the terrain
We’re all part of ancient faith communities
There may be common ground that we can embrace
No one person has all the answers
So let’s try to find the things that unite
I hope that you’ll be part of the conversation
I’ll share my feelings first if you like

Maybe your god’s on the toilet
Maybe he can’t get to the phone
maybe the man with the plan, the whole world in his hands
Sits on a porcelain throne
Maybe he’s making a pit stop
Loosing a couple of pounds
Either way he’s not home so leave your prayer at the tone
Perhaps he’ll answer you when he comes out

I hope I haven’t somehow offended you
I hope I haven’t said something wrong
Because you practice human sacrifice
And you outnumber me four hundred to one
You fundamentalists don’t think humour
Has a place within religious debate
But I’m just trying to facilitate a paradigm shift
So lighten up you prophets of Baal

Maybe your god’s on the toilet
Doing a poop or a pee
Is he still in control when he’s sat on the bowl
And he’s bombing the porcelain sea?
Maybe he’s mixing some concrete
Maybe he’s moving some earth
He’s dropping some logs, seeing a man ’bout a dog
So perhaps we should just call off the search

Some might say that sarcasm ain’t the language of Zion
And I should wash my potty mouth out when I’m through
But ask brother James, maybe he can explain
I’m a man, just a man, just like you

Maybe your god’s on the toilet
Trying to do number two
Grow a tail, hang a rat, park a coil, send a fax
Drop the kids off at the pool
Maybe he’s blasting a dookie
Punching a growler somewhere
He’s taking a slam, he’s pinching a yam
But it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care

Maybe he’s laying some wolf bait
Maybe he’s laying a brick
He’s going boom boom in the little boys room
He’ll come out when he’s launched the big ship
Maybe your god’s on the toilet
But I’m starting to entertain doubts
So I guess I’ll just go ‘cos your god’s a no-show
And if he’s in there then he’s not coming out.

You might also enjoy The Eglon Song
Other free songs by Matt Blick

Categories
Song Vault

Never In A Million Years

Never In A Million Years [2011] Humorous Rock
Let’s do some science in a song
Unapologetic apologetics. The Foo Fighters send back the soup.
Downloads      mp3      Lyrics(pdf)

Let’s do some science in a song. Let’s pick a prehistoric pond.
It’s small and warm and has all sorts of ammonia and phosphoric salts.
Zapped with electricity, a protein forms there chemically
And once that protein’s fully formed, it’s ready to evolve some more.
That’s the theory now let’s try again with carbon dioxide
Water and some nitrogen and life will happen sometime … when?

Never, never in a million years
Never, never in ten million years
Never, never in a hundred million
Four hundred million years
Never in a million years

Let’s give Oparin his due, he proposed we should make soup
And Haldane said that it just might cook with ultraviolet light
Urey said we should put in methane and some hydrogen
So Miller cooked it but since when did we have those ingredients back then?

Chorus

Don’t cry Charlie Darwin, what does Louis Pasteur know?
Just tell Frankie we can pin the whole damn thing on undetectable spacemen
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry
(That ship has sailed and it ain’t never coming back, there’s always
Much too much speculation running after too little facts)

But let’s just say you make that soup, most amino acids you can’t use
Right handed ones you throw away but keep a hundred lefties (give or take)
Stick ’em together with peptide glue. You’ve made a protein – clever you!
You know I hate to be a bore – for a cell, we only need 200 more.
Now we just got instructions left to write, 30 volumes worth that we gotta fit inside
There are only four letters in DNA, so how much longer do you think it’s gonna take?

A million years?
Or ten million years?
Maybe in a hundred million?
Four hundred million years?
Never in a million years.

Free download: Never Be Silent
Other free songs by Matt Blick

Categories
Song Vault

The Facial Hair/Creativity Ratio Theorem (aka The Beard Song)

My latest song is a very silly and tongue in cheek (tongue in beard? No that sounds gross) exploration of the link between creativity and varying amounts of facial hair.

I’m still learning on the iMovie and still without proper recording gear but if you want some free downloads – you got ’em!

Chord sheet The Facial Hair/Creativity Ratio Theorem CHORD sheet 
mp3 The Facial Hair/Creativity Ratio Theorem MP3

Are you mad as hell and not going to take this anymore? Write a response song!

Download all my FAWM 2011 songs for free!!!
Other free songs by Matt Blick



[If you’re subscribed to this blog via email, you will have to click on the post’s title to watch any video content (the link will take you my site).

 

Categories
Free Music Song Vault

The Ballad Of NDC

More genre jumping songwriting with a Music Hall inspired, agitprop-pop satire on urban regeneration. It’s all yours – no charge, just leave me a comment.

Download     mp3 demo      Chord Sheet (pdf)     Behind the song

In the year two thousand and nothing
Our Community got a New Deal
55 million pounds came from London
To fix Radford and Hyson Green
The N.D.C. were appointed to spend it
The Neighbourhood Development Company
But that’s not what N.D.C. stands for
Least not if you ask folk round here…

No discernable change,
No discernable change,
That’s what it means,
‘Cos that’s what there’s been –
No discernable change.

No discernable change,
No discernable change,
Well they came and they saw 
And spent millions galore
All for no discernable change.

 55 million quid don’t go far now
If you spend it on Alfreton Rd
The shops along there must be pricey
It’s a good job that half of em’s closed
But who cares that some’s standing vacant
When they’re boarded up so beautifully
If you need a kebab or a haircut
There’s no better place you could be

 The government weren’t too impressed though
“For our money please give an account,
Is there anything left in the coffers?”
When they turned out their pockets they found-

No discernable change,
No discernable change,
Laggy bands and some sweets
And a lot of receipts
But no discernable change.

No discernable change,
No discernable change,
For only a pound 
We could buy Notts County 
But no discernable change.
 Some Nottingham folk saw it coming
They said things would come to no good

‘Cos the most famous local’s an outlaw
There’s robbin’, but it ain’t Robin Hood

Should we all take our grievances higher?
Does the blame lie at Council House steps?
If we made our voice heard next election
What outcome then might we expect?

 No discernable change,
No discernable change,
Vote ‘em in, vote ‘em out, 
When the last ballot’s counted
No discernable change.

No discernable change,
No discernable change,
Hyson Green you’ve been had, 
Radford, eat your kebab
There’ll be no discernable change

Related Posts: The Eglon Song