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Behind The Song

NEW SONG: Kiss Me Beneath The Mistletoe

Let’s both be bad tonight
A Christmas romance with hidden depths
Download     mp3 demo     Chords (pdf)     Lyrics (pdf)

I grew up on the beautiful wordsmithery of Ira Gershwin, Cole Porter and Irving Berlin as mediated through the golden voice of Ella Fitzgerald, so this kind of thing was bound to come out at some point. Musically it started as something like a victorian hymn but once I hit on the ascending major scale of the chorus I boarded the jazz train and never looked back. In the verses I’m obviously trying to channel Burt Bacharach.

The initial idea, based round the concept of the chorus having a completely different meaning when set up by verse 2, has been hanging around my notebook forever, but it’s only recently that I had the guts (and ability) to turn it into a song. It’s one of the few songs that I’ve written entirely on the piano.

Kiss me beneath the mistletoe
Come press your lips to mine
You’ve been a good girl all year long
Let’s both be bad tonight
Don’t you want to go down this road?
See where a kiss may lead?
Head over heels? Perhaps. Who knows?
Let’s start with a kiss under the mistletoe

The end of a year
I’m drinkin’ and singin’ with people from work
She’s standing so near
Her perfume is drawing me in
Her breath so warm on my skin
She presses close to me whisp’ring…

Kiss me beneath the mistletoe
Come press your lips to mine
I’ve been a good girl all year long
Let’s both be bad tonight
Don’t you want to go down this road?
See where a kiss may lead?
Head over heels? Perhaps. Who knows?
Let’s start with a kiss under the mistletoe

I leave her unkissed
Make some excuse and go home to my wife
My true christmas gift
I find her unwrapping herself
Mistletoe on her belt
She presses close to me whisp’ring…

Kiss me beneath the mistletoe
Come press your lips to mine
I’ve been a good girl all year long
Let’s both be bad tonight
Don’t you want to go down this road?
See where a kiss may lead?
Head over heels? Perhaps. Who knows?
Let’s start with a kiss under the mistletoe

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Behind The Song Song Vault

Polishing A Turd (NSFW)

If they hang it in a gallery, it still don’t make it art
Three chords and the truth
Download     mp3 demo     Lyrics (pdf)

During FAWM 2015 I was writing a song based on additive structures and in the middle of trying to piece together a demanding and over elaborate demo came to the conclusion I was trying to ‘polish a turd’. Despite all efforts to resist I flipped over the lyric sheet and started writing a new song on the back. The three chord pattern came immediately and ‘Polishing A Turd’ was demoed and done in 2 hours. The “roll it in glitter line” came from Mark Nelson (you can hear him say it to me in the behind the scenes video for Let’s Build An Airport).

The Pop Mythology site was kind enough to say “[If it] doesn’t give you a genuine LOL moment, you might not have a soul”.

Polishing a turd, polishing a turd
You can get a Grammy for polishing a turd
You might impress a hundred million pre-pubescent girls
“OMG he’s polishing a turd!!!!” >:O

Autotune a fart, autotune a fart
It’s OK to be pitchy if it comes right from the heart
If they hang it in a gallery, it still don’t make it art
Fire up the Melodyne™ let’s autotune a fart

Photoshop your mom, photoshop your mom
Make her taller, thinner, browner, bluer-eyed and blonde
Take away her cellulite and put her in a thong
Vogue will hold the cover if you photoshop your mom

Polishing a turd, polishing a turd
That’s what you get for polishing a turd
Roll it in some glitter but it just gets more absurd
That’s what you get for polishing a turd

(Make the world a better place by polishing a turd)