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Humour Ruining Songs With Science Songwriting

Ruining Songs With Science #3 – Like I Can (Sam Smith)

He could be a lawyer on a witness stand
But he’ll never love you like I can, can

But if he’s a lawyer he wouldn’t be on the witness stand. He’d be in front of it questioning the witness. Unless he WAS a witness. In which case his profession as a lawyer would be “Not pertinent, or germane, to the matter at hand or to any issue before the court”.

If you’re self-seeking an honest man
Then stop deceiving, Lord, please

If you are seeking an honest man, then it would make sense to stop deceiving. Unless it’s your intention to find a man you can easily deceive. But if you are self-seeking in your motives but nevertheless quite an honest man generally (particularly about your self-seeking tendencies) then you probably don’t need to stop deceiving.

Unless you’re not an honest man after all … well are you? Lord, please!

More Songs Ruined With Science

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Humour Ruining Songs With Science Songwriting

Ruining Songs With Science #2 – Jailbreak (Thin Lizzy)

Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in the town
Tonight there’s gonna be trouble
So don’t you be around

Call me crazy, but I’ve got this hunch that it might just be AT THE JAIL! And the only people who will be around are prisoners (who have no choice but to stay there) and prison guards, who might want to stick around to like, you know, PREVENT THE JAILBREAK!

Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak
In the obvious location
Tonight there’s gonna be trouble
So don’t you be around (unless that’s your occupation)

There – fixed it!

Ruining Taylor Swift Songs With Science

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Humour Ruining Songs With Science Songwriting

Ruining Songs With Science #1 – I Knew You Were Trouble (Taylor Swift)

Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I’ll ever be

In cheap western novels and old hollywood films, gunfighters gouged a mark into the handle of their guns for every man they killed. That inspired the (equally fictional) poetic image of a lover carving a notch into their bedpost for every woman they’d (ahem) ‘romantically conquered’. So I guess what Taylor means to say is

Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your bedpost
But of course I mean that figurative-ly!

Making another notch in your belt, simply means your belt is too big. Yeah! The joke is on you Taylor! Unless that’s what you meant?

Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I’ll ever be
You’ve lost weight, you’ve lost weight,
And it’s all because of me
Yay yay! Go me!

To be fair Taylor isn’t the first ‘country’ star to mangle the expression, it even turned up in the film Wedding Crashers. But “Vince Vaughn did it as well” is no defence for anything. These TSwift words on the other hand make perfect sense…